where are you now?

Lisa has squinty eyes, and a haircut that makes people wonder if she is a lesbian. Most Italian women are built along sturdy lines, but Lisa's sturdiness is turning to fat, and she knows it. She makes coffee in the mornings at a suburban watering hole, but she isn't very fast; to compensate her wounded pride at dragging down her morning team, she draws long interchanges from the customers while she rings them up, and over the counter where she serves their drinks. She tells them, in a confidential tone, "The company is always pushing efficiency, but you know? I like to focus on the quality, even if it takes a little more time. It's the Italian in me." The truth is that she's not very adept with the espresso machinery, either.

She has a daughter named Jennifer, who is almost fourteen and lives with her father, in another suburb of the same city. Lisa does not see her much, but calls her every day. Jennifer is very sullen on the phone. Lisa chalks that up to teenage angst. She doesn't let it deter her from saying, "Is the TV on? Are you doing your homework? Don't tell me you don't have homework, you do have homework." Lisa considers herself a good mother. Jennifer mutters, "How do you know?" Lisa answers, triumphantly, "I'm your mother--I know everything."

Lisa is not a lesbian. She had a short-lived affair with the manager of another coffee shop in the chain. They did not go out much, but they cooked dinner for each other several times. She came into work one morning radiant with triumph, and when questioned about it, she answered, in a scandalous whisper, "I got a foot rub last night." That thrill is gone, however; she is back to watching skin movies, while cooking dinner. Lisa loves to cook.

She says she is writing a cookbook that is also a mystery novel. It is to be called "Nonna's Kitchen" and the main character is based on the person she declares she is meant to be, the best self that cannot emerge until she is about sixty. Lisa says she cannot wait to be a grandmother. The book also pulls several elements from her own life, characters and places she has known. At times, one of her coworkers, who also would like to be a writer, solicits details of Lisa's life. Lisa gladly makes mention of a pair of parents, a grandfather, a cheese and pasta shop frequented by, presumably, one or more of these characters and, presumably, herself. But the details are vague and their geographical location is never divulged, not even the city where, presumably, they must have all coincided for some period of time. Perhaps the lacunae are due to the erratic nature and sudden urgencies of the coffee shop business.

Lisa also works at a kiosk in the mall, where she sells bags of sweet roasted nuts. The mall is outdoors, so she has to wear a thermal layer and gloves while she works, to keep warm, and also has to eat a lot of the nuts. It saves her the price of a meal each night. She has worked for the nut kiosk since the business opened, a few years ago. She is close with the owner and his elderly wife. She used to live in a room over their garage, and and she still watches their dogs for them and waters their garden when they are away. They have been good to her.

Lisa is training a tomato vine and a basil plant in a couple of plastic pots meant to look like terra cotta, which she has set in her kitchen window. They are not thriving, however--she is seldom home to water them.

When Lisa gets upset, or hormonal, or depressed, she says that she craves salty carbs. When she is eating potato chips at work, her coworkers stay out of her way.

Lisa wanted to go to Italy after college. But she never went to college.